Is the Institution of Marriage outdated ?

                                                  If you like it should you put a ring on it ? 

Is the Institution of marriage outdated ?

This morning I woke up checking Facebook with my usual morning scroll. A friends post stood out to me....I will keep her anonymous but she posted

“I think the institute of marriage should be abolished. Why have it?”

Hmm...This gave me lots to think about...as I embark on a journey to be married myself this coming May. Don t get me wrong I didn’t think twice about my choice to marry at all...rather, how can I answer this question. The reasons for me are obvious...but why, should someone else marry. I had no answer...curious as to why she felt that way I asked

Why?

Her response..

“Because it seems the only reason people do it anymore is to make someone legally bound. Not because they love them and want to celebrate them. Plus, it does not condone of every type of person getting married, so the institution of marriage, to me, is one of the most judgmental institutions.”

There is much truth in her answer. Do people get married to make someone legally bound I pondered this idea all morning...Yes ...and No currently it does not condone every type of person getting married. Do I personally think marriage should be abolished...absolutely not.

Marriage has many positive aspects, some logical and have nothing to do with love...such as

1. Tax benefits
2. Immediate joint custody of children born to the marriage
   ( little known fact in GA unwed men...have no legal rights to their children born out of “wedlock” , even when child support is enforced custody and visitation are separate issues from child support)

3. The benefit of two joint incomes brings an overall household stability
4. Better car insurance
5. Greater options of health insurance plans
6. Studies show married couples report higher quality relationships and better sex then unmarried co inhabitants.

...the list goes on, BUT none of these things are a reason to marry.

I can see the question people have when 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Why is marriage important?

I believe marriage is the glue that holds a relationship together WHEN...the relationship is “marriage quality”( I'll get to that later). Statistics say unmarried co-inhibitors generally last about 2 years and rarely more then 5 when there is no marriage proposal made. Could that be because people are not “Legally Bound”...possible.

Our society loves to do what comes easy...and frankly yes it is easier just to walk away when there is no commitment. But I would not say that when you marry “you’re” making that someone legally bound...I like to think both parties are choosing to Bind themselves to one another, or it least that’s the way it should be. When times get rough you do not just walk away from a husband/wife like you do from a boyfriend /girlfriend. What shows love more then commitment ?

My fiance and I have chosen to incorporate a Hand fasting into our ceremony. A hand fasting is where the officiant, or family members tie cords around the couples hands to symbolize the Binding of two into one. We have chosen to bind ourselves to each other, spiritually, mentally, physically( by the hand fasting ceremony ) and legally. We are choosing to not make it easy to walk away.

Now back to that 50% divorce rate...

Marriage that work, are made of a union of two people who understand that a marriage is made up of several ingredients :

1. Patience
   the ability to ride the tide of rough times
2. Forgiveness
   in love, there is forgiveness...not the kind where you simply say im sorrry and go on in anger through years. A truly forgiving heart. You cannot move forward in a healthy relationship holding grudges from the past.
3. Selflessness
   in big things and small ones.
4. Communication
   In my opinion the most important part. My fiance and I are best friends, we come to each other in happiness, excitement, sorrow, anxiousness, and upset moments. We talk about problems, our day, our dreams, silly things like the zombie apocalypse . We make it a point to talk to each other often and about everything. Lack of communication is the easiest way to put distance in a relationship.
5. Love
   ..is a combination of all the above..not the fuzzy feelings those come and go. Love is the ingredients you put into the relationship topped with the commitment.

I believe many people do not know how to truly apply all these things to their relationship. I am not saying I am special...and have all the answers, but I work at them, I read, I learn and try to be better.

It takes many tools to have a successful marriage, would you drive a car without reading the drivers manual and learning how to drive? So why would you do something as serious as commit yourself to another person without knowing what it takes.

Point no 1.

Marriage takes tools.

Earlier I mentioned “Marriage Quality” not every relationship is one that should enter such a commitment...no matter how bad you want it. Ill give 5 examples of what I think marriage quality is

1. You love the person
   ...surprisingly many people marry for silly reasons ( we have kids, he makes a lot of money, hes a good father, hes good looking, we've known each other for a long time and ...there’s no one else coming along better...) These are all some I have actually heard people say. Not one of these reasons incorporates feelings.
2. Self Confidence
   People cannot love someone in a healthy way if they do not love themselves.
   If you are looking for a relationship to be reassuring of your qualities or abilities or anything else that has to do with you...you are going to be a very needy partner. Since relationships require lots of giving, it is hard to give...when you are focused on needing.
3. Understanding of your partner...and vice versa
   Both partners must understand each other in order to fulfill each others needs. Every person has needs in a relationship, people should understand what their partner needs in order to be happy.
4. Emotional communication
   It is not enough to just communicate about daily events, finances and the future, but people must talk about how they feel. This is surprisingly difficult for most people. Many communications happen because of a lack of communication in this area.
5. Respect
   I will co-sign on many relationship experts who say a lack of respect is a relationship killer. You MUST respect your partner to have a healthy relationship. Respect...is the stop sign when you are ready to not consider your partners feelings.

There are many more then these 5 but I think these are the most important. Which leads to

Point #2

Have a relationship that is marriage quality...before deciding to get married.

Many times people get married ...last for many years and it still fails. They may have had a “Marriage quality relationship”...and the “Tools” at one point but still end in divorce.

Usually I notice when this happens one or both parties gave up working on the marriage. Many times...people get the “Grass is greener on the other side..” Syndrome even while married. Only to get to the other side...and find out that grass is Astro Turf ( Fake Grass) .

Point #3

Fertilize your own grass!!

Work on your relationship ...and never stop.

I am known to run off on a tangent...and get off the point, which was

should the institution of marriage be abolished...

No !

But...people do need to show more discretion, and sacredness if you will to marriage so it can have the respect it deserves as the beautiful union of two people taking each other to be their only partner for better or worse...for life.

Not a tabloid joke.

 And for the record...since I did not really address it....Everyone...should be entitled to marry. Maybe if our society stopped worrying about who can marry who and started worrying about marriage itself, we can go back to its meaning UNITY  and start working on our own marriages.

A Review of The Healthcare Exchange

Well to begin with,  im not a huge fan of purchasing insurance as it is, I am self employed , so i do not have a company providing a good deal on rates and with a pre-existing condition like asthma, even a shabby insurance package is top dollar....think 500 a month plus. and that's with about a 5000 dollar deductible....a word which doesn't make much sense to me I don't use 5000 a year worth of care in a year. It has always baffled me why i should pay a monthly fee to turn around and have to pay to see a doctor. Hence to say i am a " Self - Pay" Patient.

There has been lots of buzz about the healthcare market place and honestly i have been excited get on and see what "amazing rates" ( as they are portraying) I may qualify for. So at midnight Oct 2nd...my journey begun, If you know the government...like I do, nothing...i mean nothing is a 123 process.

Oct 1st (12:31 am)
Tried to log on to the marketplace and create an account , got all the way to the second page of security questions, and the drop down lists did not work. I entered in the fields a general ( one, two , three) answer thinking maybe it will go through....NO. It said unable to create an account at this time

Oct 1st ( 12:30 pm) Ok I found out the market place was not open till 8:30 am....so the first attempt was my fault...I attempted to log on again greeted by a page that said wait and we will redirect you. Ok...being understanding i waited....30 minutes later I was redirected. i proceeded to create an account and encountered the same problem I did yesterday with the drop down menus.

4 more times i attempted this from different browsers same problem.
I figured id wait a day...it was said the web page was flooded by eager users

Oct 2nd  (2pm) Same problem as yesterday after long waits to actually create an account ...i couldn't.
I decided to call...
The representative was apologetic and pleasant and the telephone wait was surprisingly short, she told me shed be happy to complete my application over the phone....45 minutes and what i thought was halfway into my application, i was ready to give her information on the third child and she tole me her application would not take three children.
WHAT ? I mean its not like i said 5 or 8, ( not that there's anything wrong with 5 or 8) but 3 is about the average number of kids. she told me I could go to a community center and have them fill it out for me...so I gave her my zip code and she gave me 3 locations .....no where near me. i mean 50 - 60 miles away.
Apologizes and then sends me on my way...

Oct 3rd ( 11:00 am ) Ok maybe this flooded marketplace has died down a bit. I went on to create an application....to my surprise i was able to complete it. Excited now at prospect of seeing these mystery rates, I proceed to my e-mail....to verify my address, then back to the login page. This time when I log in it tells me I have an incorrect combination of pasword and login.

" Oh boy here we go again" 
I tried
1. Forgot Pasword ( tells me i have no account)
2. Forgot Login ( tells me i have no account again)
3. Create a new account ( tells me i already have an account)
4. Verify my e-mail again ( tells me i already did so...go to login)

This circle reminds me of anything government. So I begin to wonder...can anyone log in or is it all a charade. I have asked friends who said they have the same problem, although in all fairness I have one friend who posted on Facebook that he logged in and saved 300 per month. Partially why I was so excited

(12:00)
So skeptical again I call the marketplace hotline, to a girl who lacked so much energy she sounded like she was dying sounded exhausted. ( maybe  all those calls from angry Americans like me) Once again...so sorry yada yada yada...let me see what I can do. ( I don't think she knew how to trouble shoot anything....)

She keeps asking me if I want to do my application on the Phone, I told her I don't believe she can do it ....I want to log into my online account, she goes back and fourth placing me on hold....then comes back and tells me this is a common problem because 6.7 million people are trying to access their site at the same time ( which by the way is the same exact number as yesterday) I highly doubt 6.7 million people are accessing your site at every minute. Next time she should say many and not put a number to it.
She assures me she will not have the same problem doing my application as the other girl. According to her she should have done 2 applications for 3 children not 1. (????)
Whatever...ill waste another almost an hour. She places me on hold for 15 minutes and comes back and says

" Im sorry, It looks like i wont be able to process your application after all"
(:0/ ..."Shocked" ...yeah right. )
she asks me can she mail me an application...."no thank you, im sure ill never receive it." 

So that's MY experience. I have no opinion about this market place other then for me....it does not exist.
I would LOVE ....to hear someone else experience because to date most people i know have NONE.
but " Such is The Government"

Whats in your closet ? Our Home School Curriculum 2013/2014

You know the Capitol One commercial that says whats in your wallet? Its the time of year people are asking whats in your Home school closet?  I know I am always curious what curriculum people are using ...so I will share mine. I am not sure what grade you would call this....we really don't use grade levels to determine what they learn. If you are reading this and are new to home school, most will tell you we teach to the child not the grade. I am using this with my 9 and 10 year old, my 9 year old is gifted my 10 year old is 2e (2e is twice exceptional, Gifted with some kind of learning challenges as well. ). I would assume parts of this curriculum would work with  gifted elementary school to middle/high school.

We use Georgia Virtual School an online high school for some of our classes. So far we like  it. There are parts we could do without, like the bi-weekly deadlines for assignments. Sometimes I feel the content isn't as full as it could be, but they do give many resources and web pages to supplement their material. The teachers are nice and the course is flexible. Georgia virtual school was opened up to Home school and Private School last year for free.

This year we are taking

9th grade literature and composition
Biology
and
U.S. History

For these i will supplement with the following resources.;

US History
-US history textbook ( have not brought it yet so i am not sure what brand...any kind will do as a physical reference. )
-Videos on Netflix for various history subjects
-The Crucible by Arthur Miller
- The Intellectual devotional American History - Kidder and Oppenheim

Biology
Biology - The unity and diversity of life ; Starr Taggart Evers Starr Tewlfth edition
Labs from home science tools
- Fetal Pig dissection kit
-Blood test kit
-Protozoa Culture Kit
-Microscope and lots of slides.
The Kingfisher Science Encyclopedia

9th gr Lit and Comp/Writing/Grammer/Lit
- Ga virtual for lit and comp
-Writing with Skill - Susan Wise Bauer
-The Creative Writer
-Wordly Wise

Classic Books
- The Temptest
- To Kill a Mocking Bird
- Robin Hood
-Beowulf
-The Crucible
-The Outsiders
- The Once and Future King
- Le Moret D'Aurtur
( Both books about King Arthur are for a unit study on history and legend of King Arthur. This lesson came from my love for the BBC television show Merlin)

Philosophy/Logic and Critical Thinking

Building critical thinking skills - The Critical Thinking Co.
Red Herring mysteries 1 - The Critical Thinking Co
Philosophy for kids - David White

Math
Teaching Textbooks Math 7
Life of Fred - Fractions
Khan academy ....when needed

Language
Rosetta Stone Latin

and Handwriting
Cursive Writing Practice Book

Wonder how long it will take to teach all this ? Well so far i have this totaling 5 hours of instruction daily. except Fridays...we go to Music Co-op. We will see how that works out. So now that  I have shared with you....Whats in your Homeschool Closet ? Leave a comment or picture?

How to make awesome laundry detergent.

I am going to share with you my favorite recipe for laundry detergent that brightens clothes,  cleans everything and smells great. 

The ingredients, 

1. Pink Zote Soap , you can use blue or white also i just happen to like pink. (http://www.zote.com.mx/english/fre_as.htm ) 

2. 20 Mule team Borax ( my box broke i do not have a picture but here is a link to all its uses and where to find it. ) http://www.20muleteamlaundry.com/

3. Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda

http://www.armandhammer.com/fabric-care/laundry-boosters/Products/arm-and-hammer-super-washing-soda-detergent-booster.aspx

I get all these ingredients from my local Walmart. If you cannot find them you can order them online. 

It took me a while to find the right recipe that is strong enough . Out of 3 boys I have a baby who loves to wear his food on his clothes, and a son that wets the bed. The recipes I found were not strong enough to get out the smell of urine from sheets so I  had to sample for a while till I got the right mixture. This recipe leaves clothes smelling great, bright, and clean . I have heard this mix works for cloth diapers as well, (I recommend soaking the diapers in borax first. ) 

The Recipe to make 1.95 Gallons

2 Cups  Grated Zote soap

1 Cup Borax

2 Cups Super Washing Powder

First get a pot, ( I have one i do not use for cooking ) Boil half the pot full of water

Grate the Pink Zote , add to pot and bring to a broil until the soap dissolves

At first it will be very watery, let it sit for a few minutes till it is a bit thicker constancy. Then add other ingredients and stir.

After all ingredients are mixed thoroughly , move mixture to your container. I use a 1.96 gallon container from previous Xtra i brought. I use a funnel so the mixture goes in easily. 

After you have transferred your mixture, Fill the remaining container with water. and shake ( lightly) 

Let sit for 24 hours to thicken. 

Hurray !!!!  You have soap. 

...let me know how your mixture went...and pin this post for later use. 

Dating in 2013?? Are the rules really that different?

                                                                     



I was reading a New York Times article called  "The end of Courtship?" http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

This gave me a slew of thoughts and comments, as this article discusses the downward spiral of courtship and formal dating into " Hook Up" culture. Is it true that we ( 20's 30's and younger) have lost the art of dating? It goes on to mention text messaging and social media as a contribution to the decline. Maybe i was raised a bit old fashioned but Random Hook Ups, just do not seem to appealing to me.

What I have found lately in speaking with friends, family and strangers is lack of expectations and therefore accepting anything.

This article speaks of text messaging " hang out requests"
If this type of thing was unacceptable, then how can it happen.
I find newer generations ( including mine) accepting anything from men ( and women, but this article is mainly for women)
Here are my dating tips to keep the courtship alive in 2013

1. Know what you want and stick with it. 
 If you are looking for the type of guy who will open the door, give you flowers, and take you to dinner
Make it known
and those who walk away .... they simply  didn't make the cut. Those who stick around might have great potential.
Too many times i hear people waiting for their guy to change, you cannot change anyone. The principals your relationship begins upon will not change, so start off on the right foot in the direction you want it to go. 

2. Be clear about your expectations / Do not settle
This seams to be a very muddied concept now a days no one wants to seem like that girl who wants to rush into things and it seems like people get wrapped into a situation where they become " weekend hook up" because you never defined the relationship or your expectations. It is very hard to go from weekend party girl on Sunday night to Regular steady relationship. It is like a lasting first impression. With this i believe the old saying stands  "The kind of girl that you can take home to mom/mama". Is your behavior reflecting that girl? If you are looking for a serous relationship date accordingly and do not be afraid to say so. The Men who are not looking for "anything serious", will not change their minds after an evening rendezvous. 

3. Don't be Obsessive
Its one thing to call and say Hi after a first date, its another to call and say ( in the Stewie voice)  " Hi, Hello, How are you, Am i going to see you again, Can i see you today, I like you, Can i see you tommorrow"
Don't be that girl that gets talked about on Facebook. Have some old fashioned poise, or modern day cool, or even as they say a little " swag" 

4. Have Fun
Dating is still fun, don't over think your every move to the point that you are writing topics for conversation. But the nature of dating itself has always been to asses someones suitability as a partner ( by definition). 
Meet/greet/talk/and have fun. 

Sometime in 2013 i will come out with Part 2 ( So you've dated in 2013, now Relationships in 2013)

What is your take on  new age dating as the New York times portrays it?

The Horrible Blogger

Ok so I admit I am  a little terrible at this blogging thing, I commend all those moms I see out there especially the homeschooling ones like me who find the daily time. This year one of my resolutions is simple...to be diligent at everything i do. I stress the importance of diligence to my kids and at times could use a little myself. My other resolution is to start the day earlier, to fit in those things that by the end of the day rollover to the next, like that extra e-mail, to do list, finding the resources and planning a lesson  organizing the clutter on the shelf or  to write a blog  ;) With that said expect more randomness from me the Self employed, Homeschooling, crafty-crazy, Pinterest obsessed, super hero ( or at least my 2 year old thinks so) weird and sometimes cool mom.

What are your new years resolutions?

Our Kiddie fun Saturday at home

So last Saturdays theme was fun for kids at home, .....

We Made Michael a Sensory Bin, at first he didn't want to touch it, there was lots of ohs, aahs, and wows, he sorted , and scooped and poured. (I love sensory bins, you'll see more on these) He loved it, he played for over an hour, the big guys joined in too. 

We did a nature scavenger hunt, which i found on http://www.thetaylor-house.com/, 

The big guys had fun running around the yard. Some of these things they had to be creative with. Michael got pulled around in the wagon on the way. 

We watched a family Movie

Had dinner Together